People of all faiths use our hospital, but this was a first. As I reviewed a patient's chart, I noticed that the admitting nurse had written next to religion: Seven  Days in Venice.

Standing in front of her Spanish class, my friend, a substitute teacher, warned, "I only know about ten words in Spanish, so please don't ask me for help. You all know more than I do." One student rejoiced: "I'm finally in the right class!"

File under Only in the Army. A sign on the telephone in our barracks read "If broken, please call maintenance."

Once upon a time, on a farm in Texas, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.  She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat.  Who will help me plant it?"

"Not I," said the cow.

"Not I," said the duck. 

  "Not I," said the pig. 

  "Not I," said the goose. 

  "Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen and so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain. 

  "Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen. 

  "Not I," said the duck.

"Out of my classification," said the pig.

  "I'd lose my seniority," said the cow. 
 "I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did. At last it came time to bake the bread.

"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.

"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.

"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.

"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig. 

  "If I'm to be the o nly helper, that's discrimination," said the goose. 

  "Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share.  But the little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves." 

  "Excess profits!" cried the cow. ( Nancy Pelosi)

"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer) 

  "I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson) 

  The pig just grunted in disdain. ( Jimmy Carter) 

  And they all painted "Unfair!" picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities. 

Then a government agent came. He said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."   

  "But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.   

  "Exactly," said the agent. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful.  Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants.  But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle." And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, w ho smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand."  

  But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her.   She never again baked bread, because she joined the "party" and got her bread free.  And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established.  Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared ... so long as there was free bread that "the rich" were paying for. 

  Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs. Hillary got $8 million for hers.  That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years,
repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.   IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OF A COUNTRY OR WHAT?

It's a good thing my mother-in-law has a sense of humor. During a family vacation, we were driving past the Dinosaur National Monument in eastern Utah, and she said, "I haven't been there since I was a little girl. I wonder how much it's changed." "It's no longer a zoo," I said. "Now it's a museum."