Two Kentucky students are walking by a storefront and see a sign that reads:
Suits $5.00 each; shirts $2.00 each; trousers $2.50 per pair.  Bubba says to his  pal, "Billy Ray, Look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when  we get  back to Kentucky, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you  be  quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent,  they  might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl voice."

They go in and Bubba says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each.  I'll back up my pickup  and ....."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Kentucky, aren't you?" "Well...yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?"

The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners."  


 A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars,  then insured them against fire among other things.

 Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and  without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.

 In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small  fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

 The lawyer sued....and won!

 In delivering the ruling the Judge agreed with the insurance company that  the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, "That the lawyer  held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars  were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire,  without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was  obligated to pay the claim.

 Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company  accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the  rare cigars lost in the "fires."

 NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance  company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!!

 With the lawyer's own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case  being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning  his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

 This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal  Lawyers Award Contest.


Things I learned after a hurricane: (A friend in Florida shared this one) sent in by George Wilson:

* Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.
* No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work without
* Kids can survive 4 days or longer without a video game controller in their hand.
* Cats are even more irritating without power.
* He who has the biggest generator wins.
* Women can actually survive without doing their hair--you just wish they weren't around you.
* A new method of non-lethal torture - showers without hot water.
* There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought.
* TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful. One day at a time, brother.
* A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser's to a drinkable temperature
 in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14-pound turkey frozen for 8 more hours.
* There are a lot of trees around here.
* Flood plan drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong.
* Contrary to most Florida natives' beliefs, speed limit on roads without traffic lights does not increase.
* Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not required.
* Just because you're over 21 doesn't mean you can stay out as late as you want. At least that's what the cops told me during a curfew stop.
* Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators.
* People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.
* When required, a Chrysler 300M will float--doesn't steer well, but floats just the same.
* Some things do keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.
* Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.
* Cell phones work when land lines are down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.
* 27 of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than you, and they are quick to point that out!
* Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a volume.
* If I had a store that sold only ice, chainsaws, gas, and generators...I'd be rich.
* The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a hurricane.

* Your water front property can quickly become someone else's fishing hole.
* Tree service companies are under appreciated.
* I learned what happens when you make fun of another state's blackout.
* MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30% higher
electric bill ?????
* Drywall is a compound word, take away the "dry" part and it's worthless.

* I can walk a lot farther than I thought.


 I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple, when all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes,

I want to think the world is fair.

That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again.

I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause........

....."Tag! You're it."