Real Country Life Groaners

by Pamela Porterfield (click on above title to visit the website)


What is the name of the fairy tale about a woman who uses her premium charge card to purchase aspirin for herself and two friends? Gold Deluxe and the three Bayers.

Why should you walk carefully when it's raining cats and dogs. Because you might step in a poodle.

Why is it a bad idea to tell jokes while ice skating. Because the ice may crack up.

Which state has lots of cats and dogs? Pets-sylvania.

What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.

Why was the young rooster not allowed to hang out with the ducks on the other side of the pond. His mom was afraid one day he would form a quack addiction.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, we'll serve you just don't start anything.

Question: Do you know how to make ice water? Answer: take an onion and a knife, cut the onion and your ice water.

What starts with a P, ends with an E and has thousands of letters in it. Answer is a Post Office.

 Can music make you think? It made Stevie Wonder.

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

What do you get if you cross a freeway with a bicycle. Killed.

How do you make an orange laugh? Tickle its Navel.

What do Smokey the Bear and Winnie the Pooh have in common. The same middle name... 

If a chicken crosses the road, rolls in the mud and then crosses back, what is it? A dirty double crosser.

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they always use honeycombs.

What is a perpetual beaver colony? Eternal dam nation. 

What do you call a crate of ducks. A box of quackers.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? Well, says the vet, let's have a look at him. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally he says, I'm going to have to put him down. What!! Why, because he's cross-eyed? No! Because he's heavy.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, Sorry we don't serve food here.