Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled.

Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged.

The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again."

The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly.

"I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed.

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* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

* Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

* Dogs shed, cats shred.

* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

* I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

* Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

* We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

* Women and cats will do as they please ... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

* When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

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~ A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice.

~ Beat the 5 o'clock rush: Leave work at noon!

~ Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings.

~ Chemistry professors never die--they just smell that way!

~ Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

~ Chopped cabbage is not just a good idea, it's the slaw!

~ DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it...

~ Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!

~ Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

~ Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

~ Do hermits have peer pressure?

~ Do not believe in miracles...rely on them.

~ Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.

~ Energizer Bunny arrested--charged with battery.

~ Ethernet (n): Something used to catch the etherbunny.

~ Even a mosquito doesn't get a slap on the back until it starts to work.

~ Fellowship: two fellows, in the same ship.

~ Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

~ Fishing is the sport of drowning worms.

~ Forget the Joneses. I'm just trying to keep up with the Simpsons.

~ Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.

~ Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish.

~ God makes everything but unbreakable hearts.

~ He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.

~ He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all.

~ Honk if you're rich, cute, and love horses.

~ If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

~ I figured out why they call our language the "Mother Tongue." Fathers never get a chance to use much of it.

~ If mother always knows best, what happens when two mothers disagree?

~ If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

~ If you think about it, Adam had more trouble than any of the rest of us buying his Father a gift for Father's Day. I mean, what do you get somebody who's Everything?

~ I hate computers.

~ I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.

~ I majored in Liberal Arts. Will that be for here or to go?

~ I REALLY hate computers.

~ I started early teaching my kids the value of a dollar. From then on, they demanded their allowances in gold.

~ I went to the Missing Persons Bureau. No one was there.

~ Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.

~ Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

~ Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

~ Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards.

~ Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

~ Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

~ Money isn't everything...there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.

~ Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.

~ One time my kids wanted to surprise me with a good breakfast in bed on Father's Day. They put a cot in the kitchen.

~ On your birthday, send a thank you card to your mom.

~ Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

~ Q: What is the beginning of eternity. The end of time and space. The beginning of every end. And the end of every place?

A: The letter E.

~ Real friends are those who, when you feel you've really made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job.

~ Say what you will about healthy eating and all, but I've always found it awfully difficult to explain to my son (who's 6'4" to my 6' in height), why junk food is bad for you.

~ Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

~ Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up.

~ Support your right to arm bears!

~ Sweater: a garment worn by a child when a mother feels chilly.

~ Sweat is nature's way of saying your muscles are crying.

~ The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

~ The best thing to spend on your children is time.

~ The buck doesn't even slow down here!

~ There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.

~ There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

~ To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.

~ Two good things about being a teacher: June & July.

~ We all have expiration dates, but only God can read the bar code.

~ We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop

playing.

~ What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?

~ What do they use to ship Styrofoam?

~ What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

~ What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

~ What exactly is "midair"? Is there some other part of air besides the

"mid" part?

~ What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

~ What if there were no hypothetical questions?

~ What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

~ What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

~ What is the speed of dark?

~ What's another word for synonym?

~ What's another word for thesaurus?

~ What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

~ When a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?

~ When all else fails, lower your standards.

~ When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

~ When dad blows his big top, make sure you're not on the high wire.

~ When did my wild oats turn into shredded wheat?

~ When dog food has a new and improved taste, who tests it?

~ Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

~ When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It make's the neighbor's dog run

to the end of his chain and gag himself.

~ When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

~ When I was a kid, I could toast a marshmallow over my birthday cake. Now I

could roast a turkey.

~ When people complain that they don't get what they deserve, they don't

know how fortunate they are.

~ When you go into court, just remember that you are putting yourself in the

hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

~ When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public

restroom.

~ Where are Preparations A through G?

~ Where are the germs that cause GOOD breath?

~ Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?

~ Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

~ "Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered

I was not God."

~ Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's

grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of

God's grace.

~ Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."

~ Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming "do over!"

~ "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

~ Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."

~ Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.

~ It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.

~ Being old referred to anyone over 20.

~ The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and the rules didn't matter.

~ The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

~ It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb or take my nose off my face.

~ It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn't an Olympic event.

~ Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.

~ Nobody was prettier than Mom.

~ Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.

~ It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.

~ Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

~ Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."

~ Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.

~ "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.

~ Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

~ The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

~ War was a card game.

~ Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.

~ Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.

~ Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.

~ Ice cream was considered a basic food group.

~ Older siblings were the worst tormentors but also the fiercest protectors.